Taking the Slow and Steady Route

Sometimes our health is dependent on being able to admit to some hard truths about ourselves. And today I did that. I had a nice conversation with my voice teacher- that involved much crying on my part- talking about how it was okay for me to decide not to do the Met auditions this year. That had been the goal for the majority of the year, and we both new that vocally I was in the right place. Unfortunately, my gallbladder and body had other ideas and have slowed me down. Tonight I admitted that my health had to remain the top priority and the auditions would have to wait one more year. And although next year will be the last year I can do the auditions, it's okay. It has to be okay. Keeping on track with improve my health and well-being has to stay the priority for a bit longer before I can truly prioritize on other large, intense, goals.

For some people, going fast works well and they thrive on that type of pressure. In my case, I thought for a long time that I was good at going fast and could thrive under pressure. I ignored signs from my body that it was too much, that I wasn't ready, and that I needed to slow down. As a result I am dealing with some really not fun health issues at a young age and having to slow down to the point of a screeching halt to address them. Granted, I had slowed down before then, but now I have to slow down mentally as well. Which is quite possibly the hardest part for me because my brain has always run at a mile a minute. This is due in large part to how I was brought up and what I was taught. I internalize so much negativity and pressure and other bad things (and things that I make worse than they are) that my brain is cluttered with incessant mental chatter. I am sure this is evidenced by the rambling nature of my blogging... which is much like my brain. I don't know how to stop talking, and it is a compulsive habit of mine to say too much. So I am focusing on slowing down. Slowing down how I think, how I act, what and how many things I prioritize, and the pace at which I work towards my goals and every day activities.

It's taking a lot of baby steps, and admitting it out loud today was a just another baby step towards achieving a true state of well-being.