Listen and Respond

For the first time in a while, I am listening to my body. I mean really listening. Not psycho-analyzing, not obsessing, not making assumptions, but really listening to what is happening with it. And I made a revelation.

Doc had it figured out before I did. My stomach was not happy with me.

No joke, when I was having a really rough time two weeks ago (ready my earlier posts if you want to follow the drama of my emotional detox with my liver) Doc mentioned to me that we might want to investigate some issues with my stomach. I told myself at the time that it wasn't my stomach it was plain and simple just my liver and gallbladder causing all the trouble.

I could not have been more wrong!

The gallbladder lady suggested it was my thyroid, and while I still believe that might be playing in to things, I decided I would pay attention to my body this last week and see what I noticed. Sure, there were signs of thyroid problems (PS should have the test results back next week!), but what I noticed more than anything was the difficult time I was having with my stomach. Pain, nausea, waking up or staying up until the hour of the night the stomach is most active (3am, in case you were wondering), gnawing feelings, etc, etc. These things happened most frequently after I took my Phos drops (for GB pain, which I kept thinking I was having- now I'm not sure if that's what it really was), and always right after finishing a meal and taking supplements.

I took action.

First, I added in a digestive enzyme supplement. This was important to help break down the food. Then I decided I needed to add in something to heal the stomach and reduce the inflammation- in comes aloe vera. Those seemed to cut the symptoms down to a dull roar, but still I felt nauseous and sick after eating.

A light bulb went on in my head Saturday morning.

I remembered when I had ulcer-like symptoms in the past I had successful helped those issues by taking a Glutamine supplement. This supplement helps to heal the lining of the stomach and strengthen it. Based on my symptoms, there was clearly some strengthening needed! Go figure, the first meal I took it with was the first meal in weeks that I didn't have pain or nausea. Thank goodness, because I had a girls weekend planned and wanted to be fully functional so I could have a good time! It worked!

So, while waiting for my test results to come back I'm still listening. My body is constantly telling me things in small subtle ways. I'm listening. What I heard today- my body is not a fan of prescription allergy medicine. Looks like we need to chat with my allergist to see if I can skip taking meds before my allergy shots. If not, I think the allergy shots are going to have to be suspended for a while. Right now, feeling functional is the most important thing of all! I have homeopathic remedies that keep the allergies enough under control for now!

Ugh

3 hours of sleep and a full day of work ahead. Ugh.

I really want to rip that darn GB out after last night! Pain and nausea started right before bed and as soon as I laid down it got worse and worse until I finally got up. Took some detox juice to help and took a shower. Pain lessened slightly so I thought I might be in the clear. Nope, laid down for about 5 minutes before I realized it wasn't going to work. Sat up and pissed around on the internet, did a tarot reading for fun (something with my liver and gallbladder is deceiving me or is going to deceive me in the near future- great! not.), and finally tried to lay back down around 2:30. Still enough pain that I couldn't sleep. Drank some apple juice with stone dissolving stuff, laid back down and waited for the pain to subside.

Think it was about 3 am before I finally was pain free enough to fall asleep. And the most annoying thing is that in the grand scheme of GB attacks, it was a small one with only localized pain and pressure right at the GB! Most attacks spread around my whole right side and are really severe, but this one wasn't.

I'm pissed. I'm frustrated. And yes, I'm really whiny about it right now. Wondering how much longer I can fight this fight. But in my heart I worry that there is something bigger going on with my liver, and not even removal of my GB (despite my best efforts to rescue it these past 2 years) will get the pain and health problems to stop. I've been sick forever. Heck, I took allergy medicine DAILY for almost 20 years. That's a lot of wear and tear on my liver... not to mention the millions of other drugs I took for various other conditions or compounded conditions from my allergies.

My biggest fear? My body is failing at the young age of 31 and I won't survive to see my 35th birthday.

This, folks, is what happens when you have long term chronic pain. But I have to keep hope alive. I did before and we finally found the right solution to a chronic pain problem after lots of trial and error. I have to keep hope alive. The solution is out there- I just haven't found it yet.

Trying out some blood tests!

Verdict is...

Let's get those tests done!

Did I ever mention that I work at a wonderful office for health and wellness? As soon as I had a chat with Doc he gave me the test kit to get my bloodwork done to see if there is, indeed, a problem with my thyroid or adrenals or other hormone imbalances that might be causing my body to be a complete and total wreck.

He's having me do a combo test for women using both blood and saliva. I do the kit at home and mail it in and should have my test results back in a few weeks.

The saliva test should be simple to do, but I'm a bit freaked out having to prick my finger for the blood test. I'm going to try to get up earlier enough to do the testing tomorrow morning, otherwise I'll wait until Saturday. Really want to get this figured out so I can get on the right supplement program and get my body back in balance! I'm too young to be this sick, and sick of being sick!

Fingers crossed I get some answers!

The Thyroid Connection?

When I'm not feeling 100% I tend to have a million thoughts running through my head at all times psychoanalyzing every minute symptom. Not feeling well for the majority of last week and now being on the recovery, I am obsessing (to put it lightly) about the possibility that my gallbladder problems might be related to an undiagnosed thyroid condition.

But, I don't know.

It seems so plausible, it seems so within reason that there would be a connection. But when I am still having discomfort it's hard to think about it from a rational point of view. Take for example today, I ate a healthy lunch if nourishing foods and felt pain in my liver and gallbladder for HOURS afterwards. It's finally started to subside thanks to some apricots and some GB stone dissolving supplements, but it still aches a bit and it's really pissing me off.

Then I psychoanalyze every morsel I put in my mouth today. Admittedly, I overate at lunch. Yup, even though it was healthy food, I know I overate. There is such a thing as too much of a good thing. My lunch was lovely and tasty, but it was probably the equivalent of a meal and a half- roasted chicken breast, rice with homemade curried sweet potatoes with ginger and lemon (these taste amazing!), and small salad of mixed greens and little bit of guacamole. And before I ate that I was snacking on chips and guacamole and ate an apple.

Ummmm, thyroid condition or not- let's have a reality check on how much food I consumed! Way too much!

Now, most people can eat this much food in one sitting and not feel ill afterwards (though, honestly, they shouldn't eat that much in one sitting... ever). But for me, my body just can't break it down. Perhaps that ties back to the thyroid issue. I'm overburdening my body by asking it to process so much food- no matter how healthy- at one time.

My coworker suggested that the pain was caused by eating the curried sweet potatoes, but my instincts tell me otherwise. I think had I left the chicken out of the meal altogether (like the little voice in my head quietly tried to tell me to do when I put the plate together) I would have been much better off. This was evidenced by having eaten the rice and curried sweet potatoes again for dinner and not having any pain. Mild bloating, yes, but no pain.

Weird story is, the apricots I snacked on that got the pain to start subsiding caused me to feel like I needed to take a nap. Not just, "I feel kind of sleepy," but more like "if I don't lay down right now, I might pass out, and there will most definitely be drool involved." Yup- tired. But, after I ate the sweet potatoes that feeling went away.

Talk about a roller coaster right?

And that again, might point to an issue with my thyroid. Ugh. I don't know. Tomorrow I get to chat with Doc and ask him his opinion on the ordeal. Hopefully he can shed some light on what he thinks might be going on.

All I know is, I want to be fixed. I'm sick of being sick. Right now, I would rather have a sinus headache than this BS of constant pain. Call my whiny, call me needy, but until you have dealt with chronic pain or your body fighting against your will to live it's hard to understand how frustrating the process is.

New Discoveries and Set Backs

Before I start today's post, I just want to say that I make no claims that this blog is anything but self-indulgent ramblings of the issues with my health. So, bear with me as I get some things off my chest- I don't own a journal, never have, and this is closest I have to it. :)

This week sucks. Mere hours after my last blog post I had my first gallbladder attack in the two and half weeks since my last flush. To say I was upset about it, would be an understatement. I was torn apart by it.

Full. Blown. Meltdown.

I'm not even joking when I say I had a meltdown. It was horrible. During the attack I just went in to my usual regime of supplements and waiting to see what works and for the pain to subside. It started at about 3:30am and I finally crawled back in to bed around 5:00am, though it took me another 30 minutes to finally get to sleep. When I woke up several hours later my body felt like a dead weight and I had no desire to move. I made a breakfast of juiced cucumber, apple, and ginger and then decided I should do a castor oil pack to help things heal.

Now, I know I never talked about castor oil packs like I was suppose to and let me tell you why. They didn't help me much, in fact, they just made my liver and gallbladder feel like they got punched when I was done with them. I even tried reducing the amount of time I kept the castor oil and heat on my GB and it still caused pain and tenderness. So, I abandoned the concept. Well, thought that after the attack was a good time to bring them back out.

What happened after the castor oil pack was a very quick unraveling of my mental and emotional state. I jumped in the shower to clean the castor oil off (it's sticky) and within minutes of the warm water hitting my back I began the meltdown. Uncontrollable sobbing- the really ugly kind- began and I was overcome with the sensation of wanting to scream and kick. Despite being alone in the house I was still strangely self-conscious about it, but my body just needed to let (whatever it was) out. I cried (nee Sobbed) through the whole shower and while I was getting dressed. I went to make my lunch for the day- salad with grated beets- and my need to go in to a primal rage of screaming and kicking went in to a full blown state of emergency.

Something had to get out.

I decided whatever emotion/anger needed to come out was not coming out properly with the sobbing and I needed to give in my overwhelming desire to punch, kick, and scream. Not wanting to break any holes in walls, I opted for a pillow. Thankfully, the pillow survived my attack, but had I not run out of energy it might have been a different story. Collapsing on to the pillow after the screaming and punching was done, I knew that something intense was going on in my body. Some deep anger that was stuffed in my liver was working it's way out and I had done my best to allow that process to happen.

The rest of the day was spent quietly. I went to work for an hour before, received acupuncture treatment on my liver/GB, and was sent home to finish recovering. There wasn't a lot of protesting to do on being sent home, I was a wreck and knew it. I started crying the moment I walked in the door.

Sadly, I don't feel like I got everything out. While retelling the story during my therapy session today I felt my body tense and react quiet violently, and hours later the tension has not gone away. It's as though my body has gone in to a severe "fight or flight" mode in reaction to my emotional detox and the detox does not yet feel complete. There is still a lot of pent up anger that hasn't worked out and I don't feel well as a result. I tried to go out to dinner with a friend tonight, but felt sick the whole time. Even now, I'm not sure I'm going to get much restful sleep tonight because my liver/gb area are quite tender to the touch which tells me there might be another attack on the way.

Sigh. This sucks.

On the bright side, I discovered something today. Wanting to know why my gb is still torturing me after TWO liver flushes I had a phone consultation with the gallbladderattack.com lady, Debbie. She and I had a great conversation and she suggested that there is a good possibility that I have an underlying thyroid issue that is causing the continued flare-ups. She gave me great suggestions on a diet program to follow and some supplements to help get things back in balance. I will need to do some blood work to confirm the suspicion, but somewhere deep in my heart I have thought for a while now that I might have something wrong with my thyroid. My first giveaway was that my hands and feet are always cold and I sleep with thick socks and blankets even in the summer.

The good thing is that the diet she is recommended is essentially the diet I followed two years ago- fish and veggies. Not a problem, I can do that. And I so want to be well that I don't think cupcakes will even tempt me anymore. Over two years ice cream free, I'm pretty sure I can make that happen for cupcakes too.

Liver Flush Recovery: Acupuncture

Has it really been 10 days since I last posted? Man, time flies!

The big news in my liver recovery is that 1) It is a very slow process for my body and I'm having a hard time being patient, and 2) Acupuncture has so far been the best thing I have done to help out the cause.

Seriously.

I had a bit of a meltdown last week as a result of my frustration with the ongoing discomfort in my liver/gallbladder region despite having completed two flushes. My poor husband stayed up until way past his bedtime listening to my cry and rant and rave about how upset I was that I still had pain and nausea and yuckiness as a result of my liver. Well, this conversation (read: verbal vomit session) turned in to my ranting about my frustration with my life and people in it. Woah. Bigtime emotional detox happened.

Two days later I had a massage scheduled again and I couldn't have needed it more. My awesome therapist brought all her healing aromatherapy oils and rubbed my liver region with ginger and grapefruit oil, rested some hot towels on it, and then did a very relaxing full body massage. It was sheer perfection.

Only kicker was that my liver did not stop flaring up after the massage. It still felt distended and hurt quite a bit. I had some time before I had to start working so I put myself on the schedule for acupuncture (did I mention I love having a job perk being able to get both massage and acupuncture while I'm at the office- super fantastic!). I told Doc that my liver was being uncooperative and we needed to get it to stop being so "pissed off." He picked six points for acupuncture- 4 alarm points for my liver and gallbladder on my stomach and two alarm points to coincide with them for my arms. The acupuncture needle he put in directly above my gallbladder was quite tender and I actually gasped a bit when he inserted the needle. Heat radiated from that point for the entire 20 minute session. I was not surprised when the needles were pulled out that I bled at that alarm point. Within ten minutes after the needle was removed I knew I was going to be bruised. The rest of the day any tiny brush over that area was enough to take my breath away from how sensitive it was! A small little knot appeared where the needle had been, almost like a hive. I was laughing at how quickly my body reacted to that acupuncture point being stimulated!

As predicted, I have a pretty fun looking bruise in that area. But I could care less- that acupuncture session made the pain stop. My liver has stopped swelling so severely and slowly but surely I am making more improvement. Relief is a precious commodity in my world, and that acupuncture session was priceless in my recovery. Now that the bruise is starting to heal, I am hoping to do another session this week to stimulate my body's recovery further and aid my liver in rejuvenating itself after a long ordeal.

Despite my continued frustration with how slow my body is to recover, a little voice in my head keeps reminding me to be patient whenever I get really worked up about it. The voice keeps popping in my head, whispering "patience" at just the right moments. I have to listen to it. Even though I am tired of waiting, I have to listen to it. My body is taking it's time to heal and I have to allow it to do it's thing in it's own time. Somewhere deep in my heart I know I need to allow at least six weeks before I make a determination on the success of the flush and have an ultrasound to see what is going on in my insides.

Two and a half weeks down, three and a half left to go.

If I could see my liver

I'm pretty sure that if I could see my liver right now it would be a purply-bluish, about to turn to the yellow-green stage, bruise. You know what I'm taking about. It's so tender that is sometimes is uncomfortable to breathe! I did my castor oil pack tonight (shorter session, as advised my my Naturopathic Dr) and yet again it feels so tender I don't want to lay down to sleep and I just want to send a lot of love it's way so it can heal fast!

I actually tried talking to my liver today.

Gently rubbing in circles I told it that it was full of love, light, joy, happiness, and peace. My reasoning is that it needs a lot of positive energy. I spent so many years feeding it negative energy from all of my anger and hurt in life, and that caused it to become sick and riddled with stones. So, I'm turning over a new leaf and telling it how much I love it and the world around me. Currently, I am toying with the idea of writing it letters on a daily basis.

Here's a start:

Dear Mr Liver and Mrs Gallbladder-

I am so sorry to have hurt you in the past. I took my anger at the outside world and focused it on abusing and damaging you by eating too much and filling you with toxic things. Had I known how much I was hurting you and been able to see with clear eyes what was happening, I would have treated you better. My burden and hurt was not yours to bear. I am sorry. I love you and cherish you from this day forward.

Love, Jes

It's a start. And another good start is to stop throwing dairy at my liver. Bad experience with eating too much butter tonight. I tell you what, since this last liver flush I notice my body's reaction to foods much more! Every time I eat something with even a little bit of dairy in it- mostly it's been dairy in the form of butter or margarine since I have been good about avoiding cheese- I notice some pretty intense reactions by my body. It's always either my sinuses start to hurt or I start to feel really nauseous. Tonight after I ate that bread slathered in butter I felt like vomiting for the better part of 30 minutes. And now I am left with what feels like 20 pounds of bloating. I think I honestly went up a pants size since dinner, no joke.

I think my next letter to my liver should be to thank it for telling me what it doesn't like.

Liver Flush Recover: Massage

Ok, I owe you a post on the castor oil packs I promised to share about, but I'm changing it up today.

This morning I had the most healing and fantastic massage I've had in a long time. I asked my massage therapist to do a lymphatic massage on me and to work my liver area. It was so therapeutic. My body literally melted in to the table by the end and I did not want to get up!

I'm lucky to work at an office where we have six amazing massage therapists on staff, all with different specialties. I lucked out and was able to get a massage with Chris, who has not only done several liver flushes (and colonics!), but it as expert at giving you the most relaxing massage ever. She started on my neck, then worked on my liver area, following it with lavender aromatherapy oil in that area, then did reflexology on my feet to stimulate healing in my liver and then finished with a light massage on my legs and back. It was pure bliss- it's a wonder I was able to function the rest of the day.

What I really want to share about this massage, however, is the part that surprised me the most. When she touched my liver area for the first time- and during that portion of the massage- I felt an intense emotional release happen. I was overcoming with a feeling of wanting to sob uncontrollably. For her sake, I fought back the ugly hysterical sobbing and just allowed tears to run quietly (which were easily mistaken for allergies given that they are quite bad lately- the second I lay down in bed they start pouring). Once she had moved on to my feet I told her what happened. Being as awesome as she is, she told me that it was a very valid reaction given that we store a lot of emotion in our liver. Given my history of emotional turmoil (which I think I discussed in the past... too lazy to find the post) I actually believe it was a contributing factor to my body's development of gallstones and digestive impairment.

What an experience. I hope I luck out next week and can get an opening with her again to do some more healing work. That massage was just what my body wanted and needed and I'm hoping my liver benefited as much as I believe it did.

Let the healing really begin.

Liver Flush Recovery- Colonic

Day4 and today was my much awaited colonic.

I know, it seems wrong to say that I was excitedly waiting for a colonic, but I was.

Boy was it a good one! My body was so ready to expel that leftover stuff from the flush that I only made it about 20 minutes in to the session before my body said enough and wanted to get everything out, and fast! What differences from the other four colonics I've had! This time my body forced the tube out just about 20 minutes in and I was having sharp pains in my colon (which forced the tube out). My hydroptherapist told me to "expel" (sounds fun, I know) in the washroom before we could restart the session. Went to the washroom and very quickly my body expel quite a bit. So much, so fast, that my therapists could hear it from down the hall!

Did I ever tell you there is no such thing as TMI on this blog? Anyway...

Well, apparently that wasn't it. That I was done "expelling" but my body had other ideas. About a minute later I was rushing back to the toilet to expel again. In fact, it happened three more times before I left the building- we had decided my body was done for the day after the first two. What blew my mind is that I ended up expelling at least 50 more pea sized gallstones!

Woah!

These gallstones weren't the same as the once I flushed out before, but I am certain that was what they were. It all made sense why I wasn't feeling so good since I did the flush on Friday! I'm thinking now that all of that is out of me I can hopefully sleep well tonight!

Great thing about my session today was that I got to talk to my hydrotherapist (who is a Naturopathic Doctor as well) about what to do in the coming days and weeks to help my liver help. I explained to her that it felt like someone had literally punched my liver and it was very tender and causing hot flashes and other discomforts (told her about how much more grueling this flush was in comparison to the first). She said that when I removed those stones it was the equivalent of picking a scab. Made a lot of sense. Many of those stones had been on my liver for a long while, and by flushing them out I exposed part of my liver and it now needs to heal.

She recommended that I do castor oil packs with a heating pad on my liver for several days to help the healing. I found it interesting that she said she had done castor oil packs after having bladder surgery years ago and that the doctors were amazed by how quickly she had healed from surgery.

So, that being said. I'm off to do my first castor oil pack. More on that tomorrow!

Liver Flush: Day 3- Recovery

Today was a mixed review kind of day.

I slept like a rock last night. Did not want to get out of bed, but decided 9am was late enough for sleeping in. The fact that my husband got out of bed before me is usually a sign that I'm oversleeping- he can sleep for over 12 hours and still not want to get out of bed on the weekends. He's the sleeper of the two of us- I'm the insomniac.

Despite my intense want for something unhealthy for breakfast, I was really good and drank an Odwalla fruit drink (love them!). It was a good thing that was all I had too, because my gallbladder was not ready for a lot of food this morning. Much protesting happened for about 15 minutes after I was done eating, but I was smart and took a small amount of supplements to help ease the burden on my GB. Felt fairly normal (though I'm not even sure what that is anymore after so many years of health issues) afterwards.

Lunch went over much the same as breakfast, though the small amount of snacking I did in between meals went better than I expected. Small complaints from my GB, but nothing groundbreaking, and most of it went away quickly without supplements.

Dinner was fantastic! My mother-in-law was insistent on finally taking me out for a belated birthday dinner and I begrudgingly agreed to it. I did not want to go and was really nervous about eating out so soon after the flush. Despite my fear though, my dinner went over fantastically without even a mild peep from my GB! Woohoo!

However, I don't think I ate enough because I was craving more food within minutes of finishing the meal. Real hunger or imagined, I'm not sure- there is no trusting my body on these things. I bypassed dessert at the restaurant but had toast with jelly when I got home. That also went over just fine. Another small victory.

As is usual for me however, I got a bit too confident and took a few too many tastings of a homemade potato leek soup that I made tonight and now I've got some discomfort. Onions help to clean the liver, and I think perhaps it's a bit too soon for that soup I made. Le sigh. We will try some for lunch tomorrow and see what happens when it is followed by supplements.

Speaking of tomorrow... I get my follow-up colonic! Exciting, I know. I'm looking forward to it though because I know it will help to finish cleaning out the oil that I drank and any other waste that didn't expel completely during the flush. The colonic I had after the last flush was quite intense at times, and I'm assuming this one will be no different.

I'm also looking forward to getting a chiropractic adjustment tomorrow. My body is all whacked out from the flush- I know at least one rib is out and my whole spine feels jacked up. I've found in the past that adjustments really help with my gallbladder function, so this one is going to be really important tomorrow!

Liver Flush: Day 2- Holy Cleanse, Batman!

As with any "cleanse" program, trips to the bathroom are to be expected. Not only did I do the obligatory time taking care of business today, but I dreamt about it last night, too!

I have to laugh because this time around doing the liver flush, I did not sleep as soundly as I did the first time. My guess is because this one was cleaning out the really deep sludge and stones that didn't make it out on the first flush. As a result, I woke up overheated and not feeling well at about 3am (for those of you following Chinese medicine, this is right about the time of night where the liver and stomach are at their highest level of functioning). For someone who is always cold, this is odd. I was so hot in fact that I turned the AC down to a colder temperature so I could get back to sleep! Had a little bit of nausea that was alleviated with the phosphoric acid water, and I was able to get back to sleep.

However, it was short lived. Woke back up, overheated again, around 5-5:30 (when the lung and large intestine are most active). Again, I also had some nausea, but nothing horrible. I also developed a little bit of the same thick, sludgy mucus in my sinuses that I got when I did the series of mini-flushes a few months ago. I think that not having had a colonic in three weeks caused some of these side effects. Note to self next time I do a flush: get a colonic no less than two weeks ahead of time!

In between all the overheating, waking up, and nausea I had some really interesting dreams. A lot of the dreams involved traveling and socializing with many of my friends from all parts of my life (I thank facebook for the randomness of getting my brain to concoct that collection of people in one dream), and meanwhile searching for a bathroom to expel the gallstones I had just taking the flush drink for. In hindsight, perhaps I should have gone to the bathroom for real in the middle of the night, but I didn't want to get out of bed, or start things moving too early- and then be up all night as a result- so I held it. Either way, the dream was quite entertaining and ended with a bus trip through a severe thunderstorm that dropped us off at a winery outside of town so my friend could make it to a party. Weird, I know.

After going back to sleep for a while longer, I woke up at 7:15 again and decided it was time to get things moving for the day. I took the third dose of salts and let the "magic" begin quickly thereafter. I was unable to go back to sleep because my liver and gallbladder were a bit inflamed from the deep cleansing, so I just stayed up and played on the Internet. :)

The day was not near as eventful as the first flush, as evidenced by how much less toilet paper I went through today from the previous flush. Nonetheless, I was happy to see a large number of stones expelled today. None were quite as large as the first time (a couple of stones were the size of silver dollars), ranging from pea-sized to mere flecks today. That tells me the flush was a success, and definitely needed.

I wish I could say my liver and gallbladder were relaxed and happy now, but they are not. I was telling my hubby earlier, that it feels a bit like some one punched me in the liver. Not wanting to have a repeat of what happened after the last flush, I have vowed to myself to treat my body very gently for the next two weeks while my liver and gallbladder recover. I tried to push things too quickly last time and ended up sick. Not gonna happen again! I started by making sure to take a small amount of supplements with dinner, including some silymarin (milk thistle) to heal my liver. I ended my night with some organic apple juice with a little bit of the phosphorous in it and then really seemed to calm things down.

Am I out of the woods yet? Not quite, but I'm sure after a few weeks recovery this one will take. Just to be sure, I did a quick tarot card reading on myself (I find them terribly fascinating and surprisingly accurate even though they are just cards shuffled randomly). The final answer to my question about the health of my liver and gallbladder? The three of wands in reverse. Want to know what that means?

Success.

Liver Flush- Day 1

In thirty minutes I will be downing a half cup of olive oil with the juice of a lemon. Nothing quite as tasty as drinking salad dressing, right?

I ate simply today in preparation for the flush, and all eating stopped around 2pm. This allows the stomach time to digest what is in there and not burden it with new food that may cause nausea while doing the flush. And I'm all for not feeling nauseous! With as slow as my digestion is, stopping at 2pm is a bit risky too!

At 6pm I took the first dose of "salts" to start opening the bile ducts. The traditional protocol is to drink epsom salts, but rumor has it those can make you feel quite sickly. I opted for the alternative Disodium Phosphate supplement recommended at gallbladderattack.com. Went well the last time with them, so I'm sticking with the plan. The first dose of salts isn't so bad. The effects are hardly noticeable with the exception of maybe a small bit of gurgling in the stomach.

Second dose of salts went down at 8pm. That's the dose that really gets things moving. Within an hour of taking them my body is ready to start "cleaning house" for lack of a better term. That's probably a good thing being that I'm about to dump a large amount of oil in my stomach. So, a couple of trips to the bathroom, some noticeable gurgling in my gut, a very mild amount of nausea and I'm good to go.

In about ten minutes I'm going to mix together the EVOO and lemon juice and make my preparations for bed. This includes a chase drink of apple juice with phosphoric acid drops in it, a large glass of plain water, and a small glass of water with phosphoric acid drops (a large quantity) in it to help with any potential nausea. Immediately after drinking the flush mix, I will go straight to bed and lie completely still on my right side for 30 minutes. After that, I'm good to go to bed and should avoid getting up unless I have to.

When I did the flush three weeks ago, during the 30 minutes I could feel a stone pass through the bile ducts. It was a strange "pop" sensation. Not painful at all, just kind of funny feeling. Not sure I will get that today since I cleaned so much out during the last flush, but we shall see what comes out tomorrow morning!

Thinking lots of positive thoughts that this will be the last flush I have to do in order to clean out my liver and gallbladder. I'm on my way to being pain and supplement free!!!!

Tomorrow is the big day!

Liver flush #2 starts tomorrow after lunch. Ready. to. go.

Weirdest thing on yesterday was that I think I might have passed a gallstone during lunch. The nagging discomfort I had in my right side (which I attribute to my liver/gallbladder being swollen/aggravated/generally uncooperative) suddenly changed during that meal. It was a higher fat meal of a fabulous prosciutto with fig-olive tapenade sandwich and homemade potato chips at one of my favorite restaurants for lunches in my town. I ate more of the potato chips and sandwich than I normally do (though I'm sure you can understand why from the description). Took my supplements, like usual. Got the usually increased discomfort in my side, then about 15 minutes later it subsided and was replaced with a sharp pain in my stomach. I seem to recall a spasm in gallbladder area right before the discomfort switched to my stomach. For about 45 minutes I couldn't get in a deep breath the pain was so sharp in my stomach. When it finally went away I noticed a significant change in my right side- the pressure was gone!

In fact, I slept well for the first night since the first flush last night. Something definitely happened. This change is also good, because it makes me more comfortable with doing the second flush tomorrow and not having to postpone another week.

Just like before the first flush, I treated myself to something "not-so-healthy" for dinner tonight. My choice this time was a burger and some fresh candy corn. Candy corn is a weakness of mine, especially in the fall when it's fresh and soft. Last time I treated myself to cheesy tater tots from Sonic. Being that I 1) Am lactose intolerant and shouldn't be eating cheese anyway, 2) the tots always make me feel awful after I eat them (as they should anyone who eats them,honestly) and 3) I didn't feel like being as much of a glutton for punishment tonight after what happened the last time I ate them, I opted for these safer choices. All went just fine digestively- or, at least, I should say as well as anything else goes digestively. Though honestly, I think some of the reason my body doesn't digest well is that it's sick of supplements.

Wouldn't your body sick of being feed the same thing day in and day out for over two years. Yup. Pretty sure my body would like to be supplement free for a while.

So here's to a successful flush. I'll try to remember to blog during it tomorrow and Saturday.

Because I know everyone wants to hear the awful details of doing a gallbladder flush. :)

The Good News and the Not As Good News

It's been awhile. I'll save everyone (all three of you) the stories about where I've been the last three months, but it's the usual. Been busy.

So let's move on and talk about the good news!

1) I'm back. Well, at least for today. I make no guarantees.
2) I completed a gallbladder/liver flush a few weeks ago and it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. It actually was really easy.
3) I am no longer allergic to apples!!!! I've been drinking apple juice daily for over three weeks. I think it really helped with the liver flush
4) I've had four colonics in the last month. Talk about detoxing! Also, easier than I thought it would be and definitely helped with the liver flush. I went in to it calm and prepared, and it went really well.

Now the not so good news. :(

1) The liver flush wasn't completely successful. :(

Really, that's the only not so good news. On Thursday I am going to do a second flush, and from what I understand that should finish the job and I should have some more permanent and lasting results.

To say I'm upset about the first one not being 100% successful would be an understatement. I was devastated. However, I did try to push it with my liver/gallbladder perhaps a bit too soon afterwards. Less than five days later I combined four of my triggers in one day and for some reason was thinking I would be invincible: eggs, cheese, coffee, and my allergy medicine (got my allergy shots that day). I had a gallbladder attack that last five hours that day. Two days after that I had another attack that lasted all night- and caused considerable discomfort throughout the next day. At that point, I decided I needed to add my supplements back in with every meal (because of the flush I had been going with little to no supplements). Thankfully, adding the supplements got things back down to my usual level of nothing or just mild discomfort.

I also stopped trying to challenge my digestive system. There is no doubt in my mind that I should not be eating dairy without a lactaid, and even then I'm not sure I should be eating it. My body just doesn't like it. Funny enough, my body does like the occasional dose of red meat and over the last two months every time I eat it my liver and gallbladder seem to calm down. Weird!

So, the goal for the next flush is to allow my liver the time it needs to heal afterwards. No food challenges for at least two weeks afterwards! It's a funny thing, that I keep having to remind myself that I'm not superhuman. I want so badly to eat like everyone else that I forget that eating like everyone else isn't how ANYONE should be eating anyway! Plus, my body is different than other people's- no person has the same digestive system, we all need to pay attention to how our bodies uniquely assimilate different foods. Gonna have to remind myself of that a bit more often.

On the good side again though, I haven noticed that my allergy to the sun has decreased significantly since the flush. Rather than having huge pussing hives that last for days and require benedryl, I'm only getting a small amount of hives and that last set healed on their own by the next day! Spent some time in the sun today and have a little bit of hives going on now, I'm hoping for a clear recovery by tomorrow again!

Tell you what though, for a bit of a tangent. I'm watching Jackie Warner's Thintervention on Bravo right now and she had her clients clear their houses of sugar. Wondering if I should do that. Granted, my house isn't near as bad as most American households because of the work I've done over the last two years, but I still have some stuff that could be gotten rid of. I should consider doing a sugar detox again.

Hmmmm. Things to think about...

Day Three(ish) Of the Flush

This flush thing isn't going so bad. I'm kind of surprised. In fact, everytime I drink another dose of the the oil and lemon I have less nausea with it. Now, if I could have less anxiety (totally self-inflicted) every time that would be great. The fear of gallbladder pain always haunts me, even though after seven doses of the flush I know it doesn't cause any.

Only side effect I'm noticing is that I feel mucousy. My throat feels like there is goop in it and my stomach feels pretty full. I was reading that mucous is usually flushed with it, so it makes sense. From all the yeasty overgrowth in my body from my sugar addiction (PS doing quite well on minimizing sugars!) I'm not surprised there is a bit of mucous working its way out. I'm adding back in a supplement I had stopped taking, called Mullzyme, that helps to clear out mucous. I use to take this back in the beginning days of my gallbladder treatment, but took it out when I started feeling better. I've also added back in my Mega Acid to help increase stomach acid for digestion after meals. Helps a lot, and is something I highly recommend anyone take who has acid reflux or gerd- it takes the burden off the stomach and cleans out the gunk in your gut that is causing the reflux. Don't believe me? Try it for two weeks and you will be amazed. I had a patient at my office who was complaining of GERD, and she took all the supplements I told her to take and within in three weeks the reflux was gone.

Anyway, I had taken a photo of the flush "juice" but haven't taken the pic off my camera yet, so I will post it next time. I'm giving myself at least one full week on the flush program, which puts me to Monday morning as my last dose before I decide what to do. I might do it for two weeks, just depends. I would have to imagine one week would be enough, but I'm not sure. It could be after one week I will take a few weeks off and then do a complete one-day flush sometime soon. Still can't imagine drinking a cup of olive oil in one sitting, but over the last three days I know I've already had that much, if not more, so it would just be drinking it all in one sitting instead of spreading it out!

Putting on My Big Girl Panties

Well, last week wasn't so hot health wise. I had two gallbladder attacks in one week. The last time that happened was probably close to a year and a half ago. Seriously. A LONG time ago.

I'm jumping to action.

Diet is being refocused on, sugar is being severely limited. I am happy to say I'm doing surprisingly well on the limited sugar. Still craving things from time to time, but keeping it under control. And, I'm sucking it up, putting on my big girl panties, and have started to do a gallbladder flush.

Yikes!

Now, I'm not doing the full blown single night of downing an ungodly amount of olive oil and lemon juice in one sitting and hoping you don't yack it back up or die from discomfort as it goes through your system during the night. Nope, wasn't quite ready for that- nor does my schedule permit the necessary "Day of rest" afterwards. I found a variation of the flush that isn't quite as intense, and is much better suited to the lifestyle I live.

Here's how it works. Last thing at night and first thing in the morning everyday for a week (or so) you drink a mixture of 3tbsp olive oil and the juice of one lemon. That's it. According to my book I should start to pass stones after several days. Sounds easy enough!

I started last night and just did a half dose to ease myself in to it. First, I was surprised that the olive oil and lemon juice combination wasn't quite as wretched as I had imagined. It's kind of like drinking salad dressing- can't say that I mind it. To be on the safe side (especially after coming off of two attacks in one week) I did a serving of my Super Phos (phosphoric acid) immediately afterwards. In the traditional flush, you drink a large amount of Phos during the flush. I figured it sounded like a good idea and it seemed to work. Better yet, I actually felt some mild relief after the first serving of my "easy" flush. I didn't have any more gallbladder pain than I had experienced earlier in the day or the prior days and it seemed to relax a bit, if anything.

This morning I did the full serving of the "easy" flush. Went over just fine. I waited about thirty minutes before eating my breakfast to be safe and I didn't experience any gallbladder problems. Again, it felt as though my gallbladder thanked me for it and it relaxed even more than the night before. At about 10pm tonight I did another serving of the olive oil and lemon juice, and I'm experiencing that same sense of relief. It seems as though each time my gallbladder feels "softer" in a way. I can't really explain it, but in comparison to the sharp pain I feel when it is flaring up, this feels gentler, softer. Probably has something to do with all the lubrication I just threw at it!

Plan is to continue this for the next week or so and see what happens. I would ultimately like to work up to a full flush sometime later this summer, and I think this is a good way to ease myself in to it. Heck, if this does enough flush on it's own, I might not need to do the full flush! That would be awesome!

The Sugar Monster Strikes Again

I have got to lay off the sugar.

I've been improving on my intake- far less runs are being made to Cub Foods for their sinfully rich (and overly processed) and tasty brownies- but I'm not the best at it yet. Take for example, Starbucks new mini doughnuts. The double chocolate doughnuts are fantastic- and quite addictive. For the last few weeks, they have been my little "sugar rush" a few times a week.

Here's what happens when I eat them, or any other sugary treats.

The yeast in my body starts to grow and get out of control. Not kidding you, I can feel the "dampness" level in my body increase dramatically. I start to get mucousy in the my throat almost immediately, and then it travels to my nasal cavities. I've also noticed that I sometimes get really thirsty afterwards- I think my body's attempt to help my kidney flush everything out (which is probably not a good sign, btw).

So, I need to stop allowing myself these "treats," right? Easier said then done. I told myself today that when I went to Starbucks for my Tuesday afternoon snack (I eat lunch at noon and don't get home to eat dinner until 8:45pm on Tuesdays so a snack is a necessity) I would not get a "treat" unless they had the double chocolate doughnuts, and if not, I was out of luck. Totally ignored my rule upon going through the drive-through. They were out of the doughnuts, but I decided to try the double chocolate cookies instead. Doh!

New rule. I need to bring my own healthy snack to work on Tuesdays so I don't go to Starbucks and give in to temptation. The drug of sugar, salt, and fat is way too strong for me.

Sometimes I wonder how I managed to detox my diet and way of life so much almost two years ago. But then I look back, and I had non-stop heartburn, nightly gallbladder pain, was severely lacking in sleep, and had ongoing anxiety attacks. A diet change was a walk in the park compared to what I had been dealing with on a daily basis for a good year before that.

Here I sit, mildly sick from all the food I ate today (I literally ate and grazed from the time I got to work at 1 until I left at 8:30- not good) in addition to the supplement I took to take the strain off my gallbladder/digestive system, and I think to myself "I could change my diet again if it meant not feeling sick like this." Yet, tomorrow I will wake up and feel fine and probably not have any nausea, digestive issues, or any other things that make me feel uncomfortable. It's just not as easy as it was two years ago when I was feeling sickly 100% of the time.

I've got to take baby steps at cutting the sugar back out. I've taken the first baby step of reducing/eliminating after dinner trips for brownies. Now, I need to cut out the sugary mid-afternoon snacks. Next, I need to limit all sugar intake to only those found in nature: fruit, honey, maple syrup.

Funny enough, I just got my latest Clean Eating Magazine in the mail today and it had a little article about how we consume too much sugar in the US. According to them, we consume 22tsps of added sugar a day (355 calories). Their recommendation to cut down to your 5-9tsps a day of sugar- eat 3 servings of fresh fruit daily to satisfy your sweet tooth. Fruit is coming in season- this should be easy to do!

A Promise Kept

Well, I promised a friend (hi, Renee!) I would make a long overdue post this week. Tonight feels like a good night to write some stuff down.

First, let's get some news out of the way. Yesterday my husband's grandmother passed away. Although it wasn't expected, it certainly wasn't unexpected either. For the past three years we thought she wasn't going to make from holiday to holiday, but, despite her ailing health, she did time and time again. To say that she was a fighter would be an understatement, and her long battle to keep going until the very end is a testament to that. So with great love I would like to memorialize Marcella with this post, if even for a minute. Her fighting attitude taught me a lot about perservance in the short time I knew her. I am blessed to have had a connection with her.

Hard to follow that up with the mundane details of my life, but alas we must move on. I think perseverance would be a good way to sum up the last few months of my blogging absence. There was a stupid amount of drama, a lot of learning lessons for myself, and a lot of growing up that was done in the last few months. Somehow, the planets are aligning for me though despite the recent chaos and everything seems to be settling in to place.

I recently decided to start a jewelry making business. With the urging of my awesome boss, she helped me remember that I have a talent and that I should put it to use by making some extra money doing it. The business, in it's flegling days is off to good start. Sold quite a few pieces and am getting a pretty decent response from people. I'm learning a lot about owning a business, and it's a lot more work than one would think! Hence, my lack of presence on the blogosphere lately. I've done hours upon hours of jewelry crafting the last month! If you want to check out my stuff you can find me at my website or on Facebook.

Health is on the upswing this last week, though I was having some issues the last few weeks. I would like to say that Aloe Vera juice is a miracle worker (relieved some serious IBS symptoms I had been having for two weeks) and my new favorite food for upset tummy is a sweet potato. Weird, I know. On Sunday I was sick of my stomach hurting all day and the never-ending IBS after I ate, so I took a look in my You Are What You Eat Book and it suggested Aloe Vera juice for IBS, and sweet potatoes for the liver. Holy crap (pun intended), it worked! The Aloe Vera juice got the IBS to stop, and my stomach has stopped hurting since I ate the sweet potato.

Kicking myself, however, for not taking a picture of my latest kitchen creation: Asparagus and Fennel soup with ginger and leeks. To say that it's like a warm fleece blanket wrapping around you is the best descriptor I can come up with. I created the soup to help heal my liver and gallbladder, while settling my tummy. All four of those ingredients help both the stomach and liver, and I was so happy the soup came out so wonderful. Plus, everything was in season, and there is nothing better than in season vegetables!

Ok, I promise I will get back to blogging more regularly. Not just for my few readers, but for myself as well. It's nice to have a place to get your thoughts out, and I know I would have benefited from that the last few months.

Been absent a few days...

Where does the time go? I spent the last week or so just being stressed and unhappy and absent while I came to terms with my brewing anger at life. Why, you might ask? No good reason. Just got in a funk. It was a interesting roller coaster ride of emotions for a week or so though!

Luckily, I was finally able to squeeze some acupuncture in before work early last week and things have been better since. My Qi was definitely out of whack, with some low bladder function (which would explain my unusual lack of wanting to pee- normally it's hourly, last few weeks was rarely) and some excess energy in my large intestine (which would explain the tummy issues and returning nausea). Got to love acupuncture, right? It always blows my mind that not only is it accurate, but it works to! The rest of the day I was giddy and upbeat and didn't feel that dark cloud over my head anymore. Even as the week went on, my moodiness was improved and when it returned it was much shorter lived than the week before. I wish I had time for some acupuncture again this week, but it's a no go with the schedule- my coworker is out and that means I'll be lucky if I get time for a quick chiropractic adjustment. Quite upbeat about the coming week though, so that's good.

The best news? I decided to take a "mental health" weekend for myself next week. Can't wait! I'm going to spend a few days by myself, visiting friends, shopping, and relaxing. Shopping will be primarily window shopping because money is tighter than I care to admit right now, but at least I'll get to spend time "planning" the new fabulous things I am going to buy myself. (aka Pants and shirts that fit for the summer- too small now to wear the oversized stuff I wore last year). Good thing for the budget is that the hotel room is free! Had enough points leftover on my account with a hotel chain to get the whole thing covered. I love membership rewards like that! My husband and use to take vacations with saved up hotel points- made the trip really cheap!

But I ramble.

Long story short, my goal is to destress myself. I think every once in a while we all need to take a personal time-out. I'm lucky that I have a husband who supports and understands it and didn't even want to come with me when I offered. More than likely he's sick of my rotten attitude and wants a breather too! So, I am going to take the time and focus on not focusing and enjoy whatever the day brings. Heck, I might even stretch my mental health weekend one extra night even if it means I have to pay for it. Escaping to a hotel can be so rejuvenating. Breaking your everyday routine can bring you renewed energy for returning to the routine. Just knowing that my "mental health" weekend is almost here has calmed me and brought a smile back to my face. Feels good knowing I have some me-time coming up.

Happy St Patty's Day!

Being partially Irish, I follow the tradition of eating corned beef, cabbage and potatoes on St. Patty's Day. While the consumption of this "not so healthy" foods is going over better than last year (seem to recall having a gallbladder attack), I can't say my stomach is 100% happy with me. There is some definite churning going on, though I am sure it will pass soon.

In honor of not talking about unhealthy Irish food and because I am way overdue, I thought it would be a good day to share some more food pix!

I've got two soups to share today. First up, a Leafy Green Soup that was absolutely divine. The recipe was out of a healthy Crock Pot recipe book that I have, though I opted to make it the quicker way on the stove. It's filled with leeks, potato, kale, arugala and topped with parsley. It was both refreshing and filling at the same time and made for some very satisfactory meals when paired with some triscuits (I like whole wheat things). The recipe had actually called for swiss chard, but they didn't have any at the grocery store so I swapped it for the kale- definitely a good call!

The second soup was my attempt at making a chicken soup in the crockpot. While not a massive fail, it wasn't my usual level of spectacularness in culinary creations. I had attempted to follow a gluten free recipe for the same thing on a gluten-free blog I follow (I will not name names to protect the innocent), but it didn't work. The recipe said to leave the skin on the chicken and it made for one very fatty and not satisfying soup. The hubby liked it, but his threshold for eating super fatty foods it higher than mine. After letting the fat rise when it cooled and taking some off the top, it helped a bit on reheating, but the damage had already been done and the fat was overpowering any other flavors in it. I might try this again, but will definitely be leaving the skin off.

That's all I've got for today, but I promise pictures of some vegetarian whole wheat fajitas I made soon! I need to get back in the kitchen more, so I can share more healthy eats!

In the meantime, drink some green (though be careful of too much food coloring!) beer and have a great St Patty's Day!

A Dish for Adrienne

Tonight we had our friends, Byron and Adrienne, over for dinner. They are expecting their first child next month (a girl!) and Adrienne, unfortunately, has developed preeclampsia and subsequently has to avoid salt to keep her blood pressure from spiking. Now, I know some of my loyal readers have personally experienced this in a more severe form, so there is some familiarity here. Luckily, Adrienne's hypertension is not severe enough to put her on bed rest or anything drastic, though if she doesn't do well at her next doctor's appointment this week she might be cut down to half days at work, or even put on bed rest. The catch 22 is that Adrienne, herself, is a doctor. She knows the ins and outs of this condition, and because her job is quite stressful (we swapped some medical nightmare stories today, though hers were obviously much worse than what I deal with at a chiropractic office) she is welcoming the idea of bed rest. I can't say that I blame her when she told me about having to deal with drug addicts and other stress-inducing people that come in to her office. Nonetheless, she is being extremely careful to watch her sodium intake and I wanted to make sure to serve her something tonight that was 100% salt free.

Mission, accomplished.

Tonight's dinner was linguine with roasted vegetable that were seasoned with one of my favorite salt-free blends from The Spice House, Sunny Paris Seasoning. The dried shallots and pink peppercorns came to life with the roasted squash and zucchini, and added to the lovely caramelized flavor of the onions. For the boys and myself I served an Italian Sausage with it, though I could have been more than happy eating just a large bowl of the linguine and vegetables. For Adrienne I served her pasta and veggies first and then lightly salted everything for the rest of us. Adrienne loved the pasta, and I was really happy she liked it so much. To me, it was a fun challenge cooking without salt and still making something flavorful. When you are used to editing and altering recipes for food allergies, taking out the salt is a very similar challenge and I welcomed it. Everyone commented on how the pasta was "buttery" tasting even though there was no butter in it- you don't get compliments better than that!

Adrienne's preeclampsia has me thinking though. Despite her stressful job, she is a really healthy eater by most standards- she prefers vegetables over meat, she has ALWAYS restricted salt because she sees what it does to her patients everyday, she never overeats, and all-in-all has a really healthy relationship with food. She will tell you that she's not perfect with her diet, though I would attest that she eats healthier than 95% of the people I know. Then I think about my coworker who developed gestational diabetes and then severe preeclampsia at the end of the pregnancy and immediately after (she almost died a week after delivery her blood pressure was so high). My coworker doesn't eat healthy (had a hard time with it even during pregnancy- she almost cried when her doc told her to eat Romaine lettuce), but her baby is healthy as can be. Then I consider another friend who has always been a very healthy eater, is a trained psychotherapist who specializes in treating eating disorders, and she developed gestational diabetes. Come to find out years later, she has Celiac disease, but that's another story.

The stories go on and on. The question I ask is, why are pregnant women getting so sick? Maybe I missed something growing up, but just like food allergies, you didn't hear a lot of stories before about these severe conditions years ago. Now, it seems that you hear about preeclampsia and gestational diabetes and other awful conditions that can develop during pregnancy more and more... same as you are hearing of more and more children (and adults!) developing food allergies. I would even add to that the staggering growth of the number of women experiencing infertility.

So, this has me thinking. I can't throw out any definitive answers on this one, or even good speculations. I would love to say it's all about the diet, but given the instances I've seen of "healthy" eaters developing these conditions, it seems to me that it goes beyond food alone. But then, I think about how tainted our food supply is and I suspect there is something with that- we eat a lot more meat than we ever used to, and that meat is loaded with antibiotics and synthetic growth hormones, so even "healthy" eaters may not be immune to side effects we can't see to consuming that food. What else can it be? Stress, yes, there is no denying that our lives are filled with constant stress- especially as women are pulled in many different directions between career, family, and community. But, I still keep swaying back towards food... what other connection can there be to explain these conditions becoming more common? What other connection can there be to explain so many diseases becoming more common?

Isn't the common denominator between us all food? Perhaps the very thing that sustains and provides us life is now making us, our children, and our unborn children, sick. What else can it be????

B Vitamins: The Happy Pill

Ok, I know I said I was going to blog about all the reasons I hate cheese today, but a certain someone didn't do their self-help homework last night. Good news is, I'm pretty sure I am now disgusted by cheese and the strong cravings are going away. Eating my leftover pizza with goat cheese on it for lunch made me feel sick after the first bite. It didn't stop me from continuing to eat it, but it did make me not want to eat it again. Hubby is officially getting what is left of that pizza. Next time, I'm going back to my cheese-free pizza- it really does taste better, if you ask me. It's a flavor that's satisfying but pleasing to my senses all at once.

Today I want to talk about B Vitamins, or, as I like to call them, my "Happy" pills. Probably about five years ago I discovered the magic of B Vitamins and they have become my stand-by for energy and mood lift whenever that "funk" just won't go away on it's own. For some people, it takes a few days or weeks for the full effects of a B Vitamin supplement to kick in, but for me the results of getting an energy boost are practically instantaneous. I didn't deem them "happy" pills for nothing- sometimes I can feel downright giddy while taking them because they make me feel so good. I was telling a coworker the other day that if drug manufacturers did a trial using a placebo of a B vitamin versus their drug, I bet the B vitamin would be just as, if not more, effective than their side effect filled drug. Now, no self-respecting drug manufacturer would do that because they would lose money, but I tell you- these things work!

When we are stressed our body expends B Vitamins in massive quantities. This is part of our fight or flight response. Unfortunately, they can get depleted quickly and when we are under duress for long amounts of time (which is the current American lifestyle- stress, stress, stress) our body is not able to replenish them adequately. B vitamins are essential to many body functions, but are very important to hormonal balance. They help to keep our hormones on an even keel and when in adequate supply allow us to feel relaxed and at ease. In addition to that, they give us energy!

I'm not a doctor or a naturopath or anything of the sort, but I do know they work. For the past five days I have been taking them and it has made a huge difference in my energy levels. Hence the fact I am posting this blog at a time during which I should be in bed reading a book and getting ready for bed. I have lots of energy and need to concentrate it somewhere! Funny enough, despite the extended energy I am also sleeping better. Once my head hits that pillow I am out for the whole night. I'm not waking up in the middle of the night (which is common for me) or tossing and turning endlessly before bed. And even though I may not want to get out of bed in the morning still (what self-respecting person does, come on! It's so warm and cozy under the covers!) I do feel much more rested when I get up. Forget the coffee, I've got my happy pills!

In addition to happy pills, today I made a great leafy green soup (which is filled with B vitamins!). I forgot to take a pic, but I promise I will try to remember when I'm eating it tomorrow! The color is so rich and vibrant green and the taste is healthy and very satisfying- the cheese and crackers I was eating it with tasted so bland in comparison!

And I promise, the cheese is almost all gone. It is going to feel really good to go dairy free again. :)

Cheese

Nope, not taking any pictures. Just eating massive quantities of it. And it's making me sick. You would think I would not want to eat it anymore because it's making me sick, but no, not I. Damn book triggering my food addictions and eating disorder.

I had anticipated being able to say more on the subject, but really there isn't much more to say. I'm craving cheese, eating cheese, and cheese is making me feel like poop. As a matter of fact, not only is it aggravating my gallbladder, but it's making my sinuses bleed.

I can't explain the whole sinus bleeding thing, but I know it's happening because I can taste the blood scent in my mouth and there is a raspy feeling in my throat that comes along with it. It's been a long time since I've had this feeling, but I am fairly certain the cheese is a contributing factor. It's too early in the allergy season for that to be doing it. You see, the sinus bleeding is a form of allergic reaction. When I vaccuum or dust, the same thing happens. Only difference this time is it's a food sensitivity causing it.

I need to get the cheese eating (and sugar, which also has gotten out of control thanks to the book) under control. My strategy? I'm going to journal about all the reasons cheese (and sugar) disgust me. I am going to use every psychological tool I have to get this under control, because sheer willpower is not overriding the strong cravings. Perhaps my handiwork of cheese disgust will be tomorrow's blog post???

On the plus side, I worked out today and I can already feel it. Taking advantage of my free On Demand shows through my cable provider, I did a Jillian Michaels workout that focused on problem areas. It reminded me of the workouts I did with my trainer back when I was doing that (budget constraints didn't allow for both my hubby and I to work out, so I am letting him have his turn). It combined weights with focused lunges and squats and really made my muscles burn. I wish I could say I was in good enough shape to not have to modify some of the moves, but my laziness over the last few months has caught up to me. Gone is the muscle and definition in my thighs, and I've become pretty darn weak. My body likes the exercise though, so I'm making a committment to fitting it in more often. I'm hoping that some of those endorphins will help to override the food cravings too. See, it's a win-win situation!

Now to write down all the ways cheese (and sugar) disgust me...

The Problem with America

In a few weeks I will be giving a lecture at work on the book, The End of Overeating. The book is downright fascinating and explores the psychology and physiology behind America's inability to stop overeating. As a former marketing consultant/researcher for the grocery industry, I almost feel a bit dirty reading this book, realizing that some of the work I did- while well intentioned- fed in to this epidemic of overeating. While my company specialized in many whole health marketing issues and frequently recommended such initiatives to clients, I can think of a few times where we did work for the food manufacturers making these ridiculous products.

Anyway, the book is fascinating and I am really excited to give the book lecture, but reading it is difficult. The book actually triggered my "eating disorder" and caused me to binge eat on numerous occassions after reading just a few short chapters. After I read the first chapter I had an uncontrollable urge to get a bag of Cheetos. At that time I was still on a dairy-restricted diet and hadn't had Cheetos in months, if not years. Needless to say, I had to put the book away for a while to get things back under control. Unfortunately, now that the lecture is drawing near I don't have an option but to keep reading and deal with the binge eating attacks that follow. Now that I'm finally in the "food rehab" section I am dealing with it much better, but it was a long haul getting to that part of the book.

I've been holding on to the above picture for well over a year now, waiting for the right opportunity to use it. The day my husband and I moved in to our house in December 2008 we discovered the fridge was broken and had to buy a new one. During the few days we had to wait to get it delivered we had to eat out quite a bit. I was still focused on my diet and eating a limited assortment of foods and was not consuming much sugar. My husband, not following anything close to the diet plan I was on, ordered this gargantuan sweet tea from the restaurant we were at. Had he requested this size, I would have been more disgusted on his part, but the truth of the matter is that it is the ONLY size they offer. That monster of a drink probably has more than a meals worth of calories and a weeks worth of sugar, but of course you can't find nutrition info on the drink on their website.

The sad part is that the drink pictured above is only a small part of the problem with the American diet. Giant sized portions aren't what keep us addicted, though it is what allows us to eat more once we are "hooked" on the stuff. Food manufacturers have figured out how to tap in to the addiction centers of our brain and actually create and design foods and menus to feed the addiction. Even the language used on menus creates addiction.

But I digress. More on the addiction factor later...

Let's focus on portion. It took me a long time to finally get my portion sizes under control, and, as I've shared on this blog since the beginning, it took a major health scare to force me to come to terms with the sheer quantity of food I was eating. This last week I lost that sense of perspective again as a result of reading this book and as my "eating disorder" was continually triggered by reading this book. And the more I read, the more I ate.

Last week, I can remember having a conversation in my head (with my myself, I'm special, I know) that I hadn't eaten enough for lunch and I needed to keep eating so I ate enough calories and wouldn't be hungry again until dinner. This conversation is part of my eating disorder as I have battled with the obsession of NOT being anorexic for years (more on that later). For the next three hours after that lunch I felt sick and bloated and considered purging it for relief (I didn't, not to worry). Upon returning to work I told my coworkers how sick I felt and how much I overate: chips and salsa, soup with crackers, and half a bagel with peanut butter on it. You feel sick just reading that list right?

This is part of how oversized portions have hijacked our brains in to thinking we should eat more than we need. We get so sensitized to large portions that we start to convince ourselves that we are suppose to eat that much in a single sitting every time!

Here is the best tip of the ones I have read so far in the book: you need to make yourself "disgusted" by the very thing you are craving to turn off the reward center in your brain for that item. I read this and it was like a light bulb went off. Up until recently (read: I started reading this book), I had convinced myself that any dairy product was disgusting, and consequently avoided them. I had good reasoning for thinking they were disgusting- we are the only animal on the planet that drinks another animals milk. Gross, right? Plus, it really isn't good for in that it creates excess mucous and can cause digestive problems in many people- including myself.

So as of today I am going to be disgusted by oversized portions and massive quantitites of food again. I will be satisfied and nourished by single servings of food. And, most importantly at the moment, I will be disgusted by any cheese related items, especially Cheetos as they are loaded with poisons and chemicals that cause cancer and provide no nutritional value whatsoever.

What disgusts you most about the American diet?