Been absent a few days...

Where does the time go? I spent the last week or so just being stressed and unhappy and absent while I came to terms with my brewing anger at life. Why, you might ask? No good reason. Just got in a funk. It was a interesting roller coaster ride of emotions for a week or so though!

Luckily, I was finally able to squeeze some acupuncture in before work early last week and things have been better since. My Qi was definitely out of whack, with some low bladder function (which would explain my unusual lack of wanting to pee- normally it's hourly, last few weeks was rarely) and some excess energy in my large intestine (which would explain the tummy issues and returning nausea). Got to love acupuncture, right? It always blows my mind that not only is it accurate, but it works to! The rest of the day I was giddy and upbeat and didn't feel that dark cloud over my head anymore. Even as the week went on, my moodiness was improved and when it returned it was much shorter lived than the week before. I wish I had time for some acupuncture again this week, but it's a no go with the schedule- my coworker is out and that means I'll be lucky if I get time for a quick chiropractic adjustment. Quite upbeat about the coming week though, so that's good.

The best news? I decided to take a "mental health" weekend for myself next week. Can't wait! I'm going to spend a few days by myself, visiting friends, shopping, and relaxing. Shopping will be primarily window shopping because money is tighter than I care to admit right now, but at least I'll get to spend time "planning" the new fabulous things I am going to buy myself. (aka Pants and shirts that fit for the summer- too small now to wear the oversized stuff I wore last year). Good thing for the budget is that the hotel room is free! Had enough points leftover on my account with a hotel chain to get the whole thing covered. I love membership rewards like that! My husband and use to take vacations with saved up hotel points- made the trip really cheap!

But I ramble.

Long story short, my goal is to destress myself. I think every once in a while we all need to take a personal time-out. I'm lucky that I have a husband who supports and understands it and didn't even want to come with me when I offered. More than likely he's sick of my rotten attitude and wants a breather too! So, I am going to take the time and focus on not focusing and enjoy whatever the day brings. Heck, I might even stretch my mental health weekend one extra night even if it means I have to pay for it. Escaping to a hotel can be so rejuvenating. Breaking your everyday routine can bring you renewed energy for returning to the routine. Just knowing that my "mental health" weekend is almost here has calmed me and brought a smile back to my face. Feels good knowing I have some me-time coming up.

Happy St Patty's Day!

Being partially Irish, I follow the tradition of eating corned beef, cabbage and potatoes on St. Patty's Day. While the consumption of this "not so healthy" foods is going over better than last year (seem to recall having a gallbladder attack), I can't say my stomach is 100% happy with me. There is some definite churning going on, though I am sure it will pass soon.

In honor of not talking about unhealthy Irish food and because I am way overdue, I thought it would be a good day to share some more food pix!

I've got two soups to share today. First up, a Leafy Green Soup that was absolutely divine. The recipe was out of a healthy Crock Pot recipe book that I have, though I opted to make it the quicker way on the stove. It's filled with leeks, potato, kale, arugala and topped with parsley. It was both refreshing and filling at the same time and made for some very satisfactory meals when paired with some triscuits (I like whole wheat things). The recipe had actually called for swiss chard, but they didn't have any at the grocery store so I swapped it for the kale- definitely a good call!

The second soup was my attempt at making a chicken soup in the crockpot. While not a massive fail, it wasn't my usual level of spectacularness in culinary creations. I had attempted to follow a gluten free recipe for the same thing on a gluten-free blog I follow (I will not name names to protect the innocent), but it didn't work. The recipe said to leave the skin on the chicken and it made for one very fatty and not satisfying soup. The hubby liked it, but his threshold for eating super fatty foods it higher than mine. After letting the fat rise when it cooled and taking some off the top, it helped a bit on reheating, but the damage had already been done and the fat was overpowering any other flavors in it. I might try this again, but will definitely be leaving the skin off.

That's all I've got for today, but I promise pictures of some vegetarian whole wheat fajitas I made soon! I need to get back in the kitchen more, so I can share more healthy eats!

In the meantime, drink some green (though be careful of too much food coloring!) beer and have a great St Patty's Day!

A Dish for Adrienne

Tonight we had our friends, Byron and Adrienne, over for dinner. They are expecting their first child next month (a girl!) and Adrienne, unfortunately, has developed preeclampsia and subsequently has to avoid salt to keep her blood pressure from spiking. Now, I know some of my loyal readers have personally experienced this in a more severe form, so there is some familiarity here. Luckily, Adrienne's hypertension is not severe enough to put her on bed rest or anything drastic, though if she doesn't do well at her next doctor's appointment this week she might be cut down to half days at work, or even put on bed rest. The catch 22 is that Adrienne, herself, is a doctor. She knows the ins and outs of this condition, and because her job is quite stressful (we swapped some medical nightmare stories today, though hers were obviously much worse than what I deal with at a chiropractic office) she is welcoming the idea of bed rest. I can't say that I blame her when she told me about having to deal with drug addicts and other stress-inducing people that come in to her office. Nonetheless, she is being extremely careful to watch her sodium intake and I wanted to make sure to serve her something tonight that was 100% salt free.

Mission, accomplished.

Tonight's dinner was linguine with roasted vegetable that were seasoned with one of my favorite salt-free blends from The Spice House, Sunny Paris Seasoning. The dried shallots and pink peppercorns came to life with the roasted squash and zucchini, and added to the lovely caramelized flavor of the onions. For the boys and myself I served an Italian Sausage with it, though I could have been more than happy eating just a large bowl of the linguine and vegetables. For Adrienne I served her pasta and veggies first and then lightly salted everything for the rest of us. Adrienne loved the pasta, and I was really happy she liked it so much. To me, it was a fun challenge cooking without salt and still making something flavorful. When you are used to editing and altering recipes for food allergies, taking out the salt is a very similar challenge and I welcomed it. Everyone commented on how the pasta was "buttery" tasting even though there was no butter in it- you don't get compliments better than that!

Adrienne's preeclampsia has me thinking though. Despite her stressful job, she is a really healthy eater by most standards- she prefers vegetables over meat, she has ALWAYS restricted salt because she sees what it does to her patients everyday, she never overeats, and all-in-all has a really healthy relationship with food. She will tell you that she's not perfect with her diet, though I would attest that she eats healthier than 95% of the people I know. Then I think about my coworker who developed gestational diabetes and then severe preeclampsia at the end of the pregnancy and immediately after (she almost died a week after delivery her blood pressure was so high). My coworker doesn't eat healthy (had a hard time with it even during pregnancy- she almost cried when her doc told her to eat Romaine lettuce), but her baby is healthy as can be. Then I consider another friend who has always been a very healthy eater, is a trained psychotherapist who specializes in treating eating disorders, and she developed gestational diabetes. Come to find out years later, she has Celiac disease, but that's another story.

The stories go on and on. The question I ask is, why are pregnant women getting so sick? Maybe I missed something growing up, but just like food allergies, you didn't hear a lot of stories before about these severe conditions years ago. Now, it seems that you hear about preeclampsia and gestational diabetes and other awful conditions that can develop during pregnancy more and more... same as you are hearing of more and more children (and adults!) developing food allergies. I would even add to that the staggering growth of the number of women experiencing infertility.

So, this has me thinking. I can't throw out any definitive answers on this one, or even good speculations. I would love to say it's all about the diet, but given the instances I've seen of "healthy" eaters developing these conditions, it seems to me that it goes beyond food alone. But then, I think about how tainted our food supply is and I suspect there is something with that- we eat a lot more meat than we ever used to, and that meat is loaded with antibiotics and synthetic growth hormones, so even "healthy" eaters may not be immune to side effects we can't see to consuming that food. What else can it be? Stress, yes, there is no denying that our lives are filled with constant stress- especially as women are pulled in many different directions between career, family, and community. But, I still keep swaying back towards food... what other connection can there be to explain these conditions becoming more common? What other connection can there be to explain so many diseases becoming more common?

Isn't the common denominator between us all food? Perhaps the very thing that sustains and provides us life is now making us, our children, and our unborn children, sick. What else can it be????

B Vitamins: The Happy Pill

Ok, I know I said I was going to blog about all the reasons I hate cheese today, but a certain someone didn't do their self-help homework last night. Good news is, I'm pretty sure I am now disgusted by cheese and the strong cravings are going away. Eating my leftover pizza with goat cheese on it for lunch made me feel sick after the first bite. It didn't stop me from continuing to eat it, but it did make me not want to eat it again. Hubby is officially getting what is left of that pizza. Next time, I'm going back to my cheese-free pizza- it really does taste better, if you ask me. It's a flavor that's satisfying but pleasing to my senses all at once.

Today I want to talk about B Vitamins, or, as I like to call them, my "Happy" pills. Probably about five years ago I discovered the magic of B Vitamins and they have become my stand-by for energy and mood lift whenever that "funk" just won't go away on it's own. For some people, it takes a few days or weeks for the full effects of a B Vitamin supplement to kick in, but for me the results of getting an energy boost are practically instantaneous. I didn't deem them "happy" pills for nothing- sometimes I can feel downright giddy while taking them because they make me feel so good. I was telling a coworker the other day that if drug manufacturers did a trial using a placebo of a B vitamin versus their drug, I bet the B vitamin would be just as, if not more, effective than their side effect filled drug. Now, no self-respecting drug manufacturer would do that because they would lose money, but I tell you- these things work!

When we are stressed our body expends B Vitamins in massive quantities. This is part of our fight or flight response. Unfortunately, they can get depleted quickly and when we are under duress for long amounts of time (which is the current American lifestyle- stress, stress, stress) our body is not able to replenish them adequately. B vitamins are essential to many body functions, but are very important to hormonal balance. They help to keep our hormones on an even keel and when in adequate supply allow us to feel relaxed and at ease. In addition to that, they give us energy!

I'm not a doctor or a naturopath or anything of the sort, but I do know they work. For the past five days I have been taking them and it has made a huge difference in my energy levels. Hence the fact I am posting this blog at a time during which I should be in bed reading a book and getting ready for bed. I have lots of energy and need to concentrate it somewhere! Funny enough, despite the extended energy I am also sleeping better. Once my head hits that pillow I am out for the whole night. I'm not waking up in the middle of the night (which is common for me) or tossing and turning endlessly before bed. And even though I may not want to get out of bed in the morning still (what self-respecting person does, come on! It's so warm and cozy under the covers!) I do feel much more rested when I get up. Forget the coffee, I've got my happy pills!

In addition to happy pills, today I made a great leafy green soup (which is filled with B vitamins!). I forgot to take a pic, but I promise I will try to remember when I'm eating it tomorrow! The color is so rich and vibrant green and the taste is healthy and very satisfying- the cheese and crackers I was eating it with tasted so bland in comparison!

And I promise, the cheese is almost all gone. It is going to feel really good to go dairy free again. :)

Cheese

Nope, not taking any pictures. Just eating massive quantities of it. And it's making me sick. You would think I would not want to eat it anymore because it's making me sick, but no, not I. Damn book triggering my food addictions and eating disorder.

I had anticipated being able to say more on the subject, but really there isn't much more to say. I'm craving cheese, eating cheese, and cheese is making me feel like poop. As a matter of fact, not only is it aggravating my gallbladder, but it's making my sinuses bleed.

I can't explain the whole sinus bleeding thing, but I know it's happening because I can taste the blood scent in my mouth and there is a raspy feeling in my throat that comes along with it. It's been a long time since I've had this feeling, but I am fairly certain the cheese is a contributing factor. It's too early in the allergy season for that to be doing it. You see, the sinus bleeding is a form of allergic reaction. When I vaccuum or dust, the same thing happens. Only difference this time is it's a food sensitivity causing it.

I need to get the cheese eating (and sugar, which also has gotten out of control thanks to the book) under control. My strategy? I'm going to journal about all the reasons cheese (and sugar) disgust me. I am going to use every psychological tool I have to get this under control, because sheer willpower is not overriding the strong cravings. Perhaps my handiwork of cheese disgust will be tomorrow's blog post???

On the plus side, I worked out today and I can already feel it. Taking advantage of my free On Demand shows through my cable provider, I did a Jillian Michaels workout that focused on problem areas. It reminded me of the workouts I did with my trainer back when I was doing that (budget constraints didn't allow for both my hubby and I to work out, so I am letting him have his turn). It combined weights with focused lunges and squats and really made my muscles burn. I wish I could say I was in good enough shape to not have to modify some of the moves, but my laziness over the last few months has caught up to me. Gone is the muscle and definition in my thighs, and I've become pretty darn weak. My body likes the exercise though, so I'm making a committment to fitting it in more often. I'm hoping that some of those endorphins will help to override the food cravings too. See, it's a win-win situation!

Now to write down all the ways cheese (and sugar) disgust me...

The Problem with America

In a few weeks I will be giving a lecture at work on the book, The End of Overeating. The book is downright fascinating and explores the psychology and physiology behind America's inability to stop overeating. As a former marketing consultant/researcher for the grocery industry, I almost feel a bit dirty reading this book, realizing that some of the work I did- while well intentioned- fed in to this epidemic of overeating. While my company specialized in many whole health marketing issues and frequently recommended such initiatives to clients, I can think of a few times where we did work for the food manufacturers making these ridiculous products.

Anyway, the book is fascinating and I am really excited to give the book lecture, but reading it is difficult. The book actually triggered my "eating disorder" and caused me to binge eat on numerous occassions after reading just a few short chapters. After I read the first chapter I had an uncontrollable urge to get a bag of Cheetos. At that time I was still on a dairy-restricted diet and hadn't had Cheetos in months, if not years. Needless to say, I had to put the book away for a while to get things back under control. Unfortunately, now that the lecture is drawing near I don't have an option but to keep reading and deal with the binge eating attacks that follow. Now that I'm finally in the "food rehab" section I am dealing with it much better, but it was a long haul getting to that part of the book.

I've been holding on to the above picture for well over a year now, waiting for the right opportunity to use it. The day my husband and I moved in to our house in December 2008 we discovered the fridge was broken and had to buy a new one. During the few days we had to wait to get it delivered we had to eat out quite a bit. I was still focused on my diet and eating a limited assortment of foods and was not consuming much sugar. My husband, not following anything close to the diet plan I was on, ordered this gargantuan sweet tea from the restaurant we were at. Had he requested this size, I would have been more disgusted on his part, but the truth of the matter is that it is the ONLY size they offer. That monster of a drink probably has more than a meals worth of calories and a weeks worth of sugar, but of course you can't find nutrition info on the drink on their website.

The sad part is that the drink pictured above is only a small part of the problem with the American diet. Giant sized portions aren't what keep us addicted, though it is what allows us to eat more once we are "hooked" on the stuff. Food manufacturers have figured out how to tap in to the addiction centers of our brain and actually create and design foods and menus to feed the addiction. Even the language used on menus creates addiction.

But I digress. More on the addiction factor later...

Let's focus on portion. It took me a long time to finally get my portion sizes under control, and, as I've shared on this blog since the beginning, it took a major health scare to force me to come to terms with the sheer quantity of food I was eating. This last week I lost that sense of perspective again as a result of reading this book and as my "eating disorder" was continually triggered by reading this book. And the more I read, the more I ate.

Last week, I can remember having a conversation in my head (with my myself, I'm special, I know) that I hadn't eaten enough for lunch and I needed to keep eating so I ate enough calories and wouldn't be hungry again until dinner. This conversation is part of my eating disorder as I have battled with the obsession of NOT being anorexic for years (more on that later). For the next three hours after that lunch I felt sick and bloated and considered purging it for relief (I didn't, not to worry). Upon returning to work I told my coworkers how sick I felt and how much I overate: chips and salsa, soup with crackers, and half a bagel with peanut butter on it. You feel sick just reading that list right?

This is part of how oversized portions have hijacked our brains in to thinking we should eat more than we need. We get so sensitized to large portions that we start to convince ourselves that we are suppose to eat that much in a single sitting every time!

Here is the best tip of the ones I have read so far in the book: you need to make yourself "disgusted" by the very thing you are craving to turn off the reward center in your brain for that item. I read this and it was like a light bulb went off. Up until recently (read: I started reading this book), I had convinced myself that any dairy product was disgusting, and consequently avoided them. I had good reasoning for thinking they were disgusting- we are the only animal on the planet that drinks another animals milk. Gross, right? Plus, it really isn't good for in that it creates excess mucous and can cause digestive problems in many people- including myself.

So as of today I am going to be disgusted by oversized portions and massive quantitites of food again. I will be satisfied and nourished by single servings of food. And, most importantly at the moment, I will be disgusted by any cheese related items, especially Cheetos as they are loaded with poisons and chemicals that cause cancer and provide no nutritional value whatsoever.

What disgusts you most about the American diet?

A Bittersweet Anniversary

Woke this morning like any other day. Nothing significant to report, nothing exciting going on. However, as the morning progressed I realized I had hit a major milestone today. It was while I was blow drying my hair that it dawned on me- today is a significant day in my life.

Two years ago I made the decision to change the course of my life. Rearrange my priorities and stand up for becoming the woman I knew I needed to be, unrestrained and free to learn and grow. Those first six months were hell. Heck, the six months leading up to the decision were hell, too. There were points at which I thought for sure I was going to end up strapped in a white jacket in a white padded room, but I made it through. I regained my life, my sense of self, my health, my marriage, and my sanity. It didn't all come at once. Some of it is still coming as I write this. But, two years ago today my life was forever changed.

I'm not quite ready to put all the sorrid details out here in the blogosphere, though I'm sure it would be therapeutic. For the time being, I still prefer to be vague and non-descript on the subject and the details pertaining to the change. However, I will say this, I took the path less traveled and it has made all the difference. It was, to date, the hardest decision I ever had to make and creating that change for myself was down right grueling and ugly.

So, it's a bittersweet anniversary. I am happy and joyful to mark this milestone though there is still a part of me that is horribly sad about what I had to let go of in order to create this wonderfully positive reality for myself. However, I know that if I hadn't made that change I would not be where I am today with the focus, drive, passion, and overall health for living my life to it's fullest. And that is what lets me know that the choice I made to change was the right one.

Here is to the true anniversary of my journey in to "Breaking Bubbles."