Ugh

3 hours of sleep and a full day of work ahead. Ugh.

I really want to rip that darn GB out after last night! Pain and nausea started right before bed and as soon as I laid down it got worse and worse until I finally got up. Took some detox juice to help and took a shower. Pain lessened slightly so I thought I might be in the clear. Nope, laid down for about 5 minutes before I realized it wasn't going to work. Sat up and pissed around on the internet, did a tarot reading for fun (something with my liver and gallbladder is deceiving me or is going to deceive me in the near future- great! not.), and finally tried to lay back down around 2:30. Still enough pain that I couldn't sleep. Drank some apple juice with stone dissolving stuff, laid back down and waited for the pain to subside.

Think it was about 3 am before I finally was pain free enough to fall asleep. And the most annoying thing is that in the grand scheme of GB attacks, it was a small one with only localized pain and pressure right at the GB! Most attacks spread around my whole right side and are really severe, but this one wasn't.

I'm pissed. I'm frustrated. And yes, I'm really whiny about it right now. Wondering how much longer I can fight this fight. But in my heart I worry that there is something bigger going on with my liver, and not even removal of my GB (despite my best efforts to rescue it these past 2 years) will get the pain and health problems to stop. I've been sick forever. Heck, I took allergy medicine DAILY for almost 20 years. That's a lot of wear and tear on my liver... not to mention the millions of other drugs I took for various other conditions or compounded conditions from my allergies.

My biggest fear? My body is failing at the young age of 31 and I won't survive to see my 35th birthday.

This, folks, is what happens when you have long term chronic pain. But I have to keep hope alive. I did before and we finally found the right solution to a chronic pain problem after lots of trial and error. I have to keep hope alive. The solution is out there- I just haven't found it yet.