Not quite with it lately.

I feel an overwhelming amount of, what I would call, "phantom" stress lately. It's been manifesting itself every which way and the result is that I am completely exhausted- mentally, emotionally, physically. To cope I have, as I always use to, been turning to food, which is not good. Last week, I had more Starbucks than I have in the last few months combined and by the end of the week I was drinking venti cappuccino's instead of the healthier, more digestively friendly, and less caffeinated iced green teas. Every cappuccino gave me that old familiar high and sense of relaxation though, it made me feel calmer and less agitated, despite it making me shaky and dizzy later from the caffeine, sugar, and dairy combo. By the end of the day Friday I was completely hyped up on caffeine, sugar and dairy, crashed almost immediately after work from exhaustion, but couldn't sleep because the caffeine was still having it's affect on me.

So, I'm not feeling completely with it. The stress is making my tummy turn and my head feel funny, but, thankfully, there has been little to no gallbladder activity.

I realized the other day that it is the peak of summer, all of the fresh fruits and vegetables are coming available, and I have no interest in eating them. Can you say stress? All I want is caffeine, sugar, and dairy- as we have already concluded- and additionally protein and fat with a little bit of carbs. It's the weirdest thing and I'm not feeling as though I have the energy to combat the food cravings and to force myself to eat healthier again. I have managed to keep portion size in control though, so I've at least got that going for me.

I need to work on strategies to destress and to refocus my energy... mainly, so I have more. The exhaustion is killing me! My therapist gave me a fun exercise to play with silly putty to help me destress. It is surprisingly effective. I got really nauseous the other night while discussing some stressful things with a friend. It just happened to be the day I got the silly putty, too. I got off the phone with her and determined the nausea could be due in part to having discussed the stressful "trigger" topics we had been talking about. Pulled out the silly putty. Well, whaddya know? Within five minutes almost all of the nausea was gone. Who knew silly putty could be such a powerful thing?

Tonight I need to play with the silly putty some more, I think. Off, I go... silly putty, read, maybe a long hot shower, and then bed. Need to rest up to destress!