Binging, again

I had a different post planned for today involving pictures, but blogger doesn't seem to like my pictures today and refuses to upload them. So, on to other topics, I guess.

Yet again, my binge eating habit is rearing it's ugly head. Okay, I'm gonna get real and call it for what it really is: stress eating. I'm on the verge of making a HUGE change in my life by starting this Holistic Nutrition program and whenever I am confronted with changes of this magnitude I unconsciously eat. And eat. And eat. And it's always sweets. The last few weeks it's been chocolate and today my comfort food of choice was BOTH chocolate and sweet and crunchy peanuts. Oh, the indigestion!

But let's not make this a TMI Thursday post, let's talk about the stress. By working through the stress and dealing with the emotions we (and I) can begin to heal and stop the illness. That's what this blog is all about, right? Getting healthy naturally and healing without drugs.

My eating disorder is always triggered by stress. Sugar seems to call my name from within my own head and I feel powerless against it. I just start eating and somehow my "full" button turns off in my body while I am acquiescing to the drug of sugar. There are chemical things going on in my brain, it's just unfortunate I don't remind myself of that while it's happening so I can consciously stop myself, you know? I've worked on this a lot in therapy, but I forget about it when I'm in the middle of a binge. Don't we all? On some level, I feel like studying holistic nutrition will give me another tool to regain control when this happens, but isn't it interesting that I'm sabotaging that very dream right now with my food choices?

Yesterday we talked about how your thinking can effect your health and this is a "case in point" moment. My food addictions are triggered when I start to feel I am not worthy. That little voice in my head quietly tells me "I'm not worthy, I'm not good enough, I'm not capable," and the sabotaging begins. Sugar, excessive eating, procrastination, and all sorts of other things happen. The end product is feeling sick- indigestion, nausea, sinus problems, candida, etc. It's all tied in.

So here I sit, watching Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew (love this show!) and they are talking about the same thing. Every time they feel they aren't worthy or what-have-you they get high or drunk. For me, and I think many other people, it's food as a drug. Sugar, salt and fat combinations can affect our brains in similar ways by releasing all of those feel good chemicals- it's what allows us to be able to eat massive quantities without getting full. It's what has allowed our society to get so obese and ill. We are eating emotions and eating ourselves to death.

The great thing is, we can get sober from food addiction. I was sober for a few months when I first started on the journey of fixing my health in 2008. Like an alcoholic, however, I allowed myself to relapse, telling myself that I could control it. For a while I did, but it is getting harder and harder every time I take another bite of chocolate. Issues still need to be worked on and identified before true recovery can happen and the binging will stop.

My name is Jes, and I'm a food-aholic.