Mental Vacation

I'm totally stressing right now. And it's over something stupid. I have tickets to the opera tomorrow night and my husband and I decided to play hooky and have a nice dinner and a quiet night at the hotel instead. Reason being that the opera is 5 hours long and we will be rushing to get there in time after I get off work tomorrow. For some reason I feel guilty about not going to the opera because it is one of my favorite composers (Wagner) and favorite singers (Debbie Voigt). I'm exhausted and overworked and having a relaxing mini trip to Chicago without rushing to and from and opera would be nice. But just thinking about not going is stressing me out! It's so silly.

I guess in a lot of ways I feel as though it is me getting another step further away from pursuing my dream of a career in opera. Music has always been a passion of mine, but, like many people, as having a steady income and all that goes along with married life became the driving factors in my life, it has somehow fallen by the wayside. I still take lessons, I still sing, I still dream. But the dream is always feeling further out of reach. In some respects it just mutates in to different avenues of pursuing singing, in other respects I purposely avoid it because I am making a self-fulfilling prophecy of it never happening. Avoidance becomes easier than actually doing the hard work and commitment and risks it would take. And in a very poignant way, NOT going to the 5hour long opera for a mental health vacation seems to be bringing all of my fears and anxieties about my dreams to a head. For what though? How can seeing a single opera affect the ultimate outcome of achieving those dreams? It can't. I no small or big way does it affect it at all, but the little voices in my head want to make me believe that it does.

Go away voices! You are not wanted here! (that is what my voice teacher tells me to say when ever negative thoughts/memories enter my consciousness)

Anyway, I still don't know what I'm going to do. Perhaps I go to an act or two of the opera (which exhausts me just typing about it right now) or I skip it altogether and enjoy and wonderful dinner and relaxing evening with my husband. I'm not sure what I'll do. I guess I will just figure it out as the day goes tomorrow. Ultimately, a decision will be made and either way, as my voice teacher tells me all the time, the good news and the bad news is that I'm going to be okay.