A Conversation

I've been chatting a bit with one of my most favorite girlfriends about "getting the diagnosis" of food allergies. Her daughter has life threatening peanut allergies as well as a host of other medical concerns that have caused my friend a lot challenges in making sure her little "Pumpkin" is safe and healthy. The last year or so, she and I have developed a great support system through each other and share information about food allergies and the allergen-free lifestyle. To say she has been a great support for me, would be an understatement. She is one of my few friends I actually consider a "safe" friend- meaning I trust she will always be sure that my allergies are considered and observed. Takes one to know one in a way.

Anyway, she and I were messaging about getting the diagnosis of food allergies, and I think her response to the conversation was both profound and elegant. Even though she is not the one in her household suffering with food allergies, she has to deal with this life-altering crisis as well as any person who gets the diagnosis themselves as she cares for her little girl. I have to share this:

I had an incredibly difficult time adjusting to [daughter's] food allergies, but had no choice since my options were life or death, you know? Going to the grocery store gave me so much anxiety, it took me nearly three times as long to shop for "safe" foods than it used to, and even then, the labels were wrong and caused allergic reactions. It's just not truly "safe" out there. We all learn by taking risks of what our bodies tolerate us being exposed to, and depending on the severity of allergy, it can be incredibly stressful and cause stand-still amounts of anxiety.

[Our newly diagnosised friend is] also an adult who can choose whether or not she wants to avoid those foods. Emma Jo has less of a choice; I choose for her, and to me, it wasn't a choice, it was a HAD TO, you know? [Others] may not perceive [their] allergies as a "have to" when it comes to strict avoidance. Also, constantly battling for inclusion and equality while living with food allergies -especially during the holidays!- may cause strain in family relationships while [a person] grows to learn about how to live successfully in spite of them. Also for me, I had to let go of the importance food had in my life. I really didn't want to find alternatives to foods that were so easy and had comforted me so well throughout my life when the truth was it was the people that made the time valuable and not the food. When I finally let go of the power I let food have over me, I was more willing to try new things and settle into our new version of "normal."

My allergy free bagels will never taste as good as Panera bagels, and my snickerdoodles will never be the "same" as the ones I had growing up, but that had to be OK, you know? For a long time, it wasn't, and I was angry because I had to find a new way to cope with the emotions I was eating for all those years. I still over eat from time to time, but I feel much worse nowadays when I don't value myself enough to take better care of my eating habits than I ever did before. This also doesn't mean I'm not going to balloon up to 300 lb.s if Pumpkin ever outgrows her food allergies!! I have a list of things that are on my top "must buy and scarf immediately" if/when she passes a peanut oral challenge :o)

Maybe [friend] just needs some time to grieve her old foods. Food has a significant role in our lives and culture. Letting go of that may take a long time.

Couldn't have said it any better myself. I think that is one of the things that food allergies does for us- teaches us how to view food in a whole new way then we did before, and it's importance becomes less of a festivity but more of what it aught to be in the first place- nourishment so we can live and breathe and do what really matters in life. If the whole country took that viewpoint on food, we could solve this healthcare crisis pretty quick... well, that, and some excercise. :)